Your Son is a Boy Because You’re Still Playing Games—Time to Be The King
Recently, I was counseling a woman whose son, in his early 20s, had just come home from college after graduating. He was living the stereotypical Gen Z life on the couch—a thousand reasons why he couldn’t make it in the world. The economy, the job market, his profession, even the Denver Broncos sucking—all excuses, none of which were his responsibility. Everything was external. He was a victim. He was powerless. And his mother was upset.
But she wasn’t upset with her son. She was upset with her husband.
Moms, Listen Up
I know you love your boys. You’d do anything for them. But hear me when I say this: There’s only so much you can do to turn that boy into a man. You can nurture him, encourage him, support him—but you cannot teach him how to be a man. That’s not your job. That’s his father’s job. And if his father isn’t stepping up, then don’t be surprised when your son doesn’t either.
Fathers—Wake the Hell Up
It’s too easy to blame boys who should be men. In any other culture in human history, a 22-year-old was a man—making his way in the world, providing, procreating, and committing. But here we have a generation of grown boys—playing games, laying around, freeloading, consuming without contributing. And that’s not entirely their fault.
Sure, they must take responsibility. But at the end of the day, someone allowed this to happen. And that someone was their father.
The buck stops with YOU, Dad.
You want your son to be a man? Then BE A MAN. A boy only knows how to grow into manhood when the man in front of him models it. If you want your kids to go to college, the number one thing you can do is go to college yourself. If you want your kids to stop smoking, the number one thing you can do is stop smoking. And if you want your sons to be men, the number one thing you must do is BE A MAN.
The Couch May Not Be Under You, But It’s Stuck to You
Because you see, his father may not have been living on the couch, but that couch was glued to his ass as he made his way through the world. He wasn't physically lying around, but he sure as hell was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually checked out. He was a grown man playing the role of a boy—chasing distractions, indulging in endless entertainment, prioritizing his hobbies over his responsibilities.
The Boy in a Man’s Body
He spent more time scrolling social media than looking his son in the eye and having a real conversation.
He knew every stat of his favorite sports team but didn’t know his son’s struggles, dreams, or fears.
He showed up for his fantasy football league but not for the tough talks about life, responsibility, and purpose.
He worked his ass off to provide a nice house, a nice car, and a nice bank account, but he didn’t provide leadership, wisdom, or presence.
He talked about "back in my day" but never stepped up to show his son what being a real man looks like today.
And then, he had the nerve to wonder why his son didn’t step up.
Respect Must Be Earned
As I say to my son all the time, “My love for you is unconditional, but my respect needs to be earned.” And it’s a two-way street. I don’t know if my son’s love for me is unconditional. I don’t think it needs to be. But I do know his respect for me, just as it should be for any person, is conditional.
It’s conditioned upon what I do. And what I do must be to provide for him—not just financially, but spiritually, emotionally, and ethically.
Do the Hard Work
And that means:
Having the hard conversations.
Going deeper.
Taking on the taboo, the tough, and the touchy issues.
Calling out bullshit when you see it.
Holding your son accountable.
ABOVE ALL—modeling the behavior yourself.
Time to Rise Up
Enough with the excuses. Enough with the Peter Pan bullshit—flying around Neverland, running with the Lost Boys. Enough with the passive fatherhood, thinking that providing a paycheck is enough.
Your son is watching you. He is learning from you.
The only question is—what the hell are you teaching him?
It’s time to rise up. Be the King.
And what does that mean? How do you do it?
That’s exactly what we’ll tackle in the next blogs. Because this isn’t just a rant. It’s a call to action—a call for all my midlife brothers to rise up and become the King.
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Dr. Baruch "B" HaLevi is a Kingmaker—not the traditional kind who bestows titles, but one who forges men in the fire of transformation. As a therapist, coach, and guide, he walks alongside men on their journey to reclaiming their power, purpose, and rightful place as Kings. To learn how to step into your own Kingship or work with B, visit DefiantSpirit.org.